I Wonder

I wonder what life would be like as a boy. Yes I could have pondered anything else in the world, but what girl hasn’t thought on this? Thought about how it would be to switch genders for a day, and escape into their world. I think I get along with guys better than girls. Not that I didn’t and don’t have any girl friends or times, but I tend to spend most of my time around men.

I played “army” with the boys as a child. I work on the trucks with Dad. I sit outside with a coke when “the guys” drink beer. I grew up listening to Jane’s Addiction, Iron Maiden, Beasty Boys, and Rob Zombie. I go fishing with my father and grandfather whenever possible. I had a little toolbox and still have a hot pink tool-belt. I know how to change your brakes, shocks, oil. I know how to play COD, Halo, Assassins Creed, and Gears of War. I know how to hunt, to fish, and to grill. And I know how to put on makeup, a cute shirt, matching shoes, and a pretty smile. I understand what it’s like to be a well rounded tomboy. But how different would it be as an actual boy?

To have shorter hair and a beard of sorts. Never fussing over shaved legs and dangling earrings. Hardly worrying if your clothes match because everything is within the same color pallet. No mascara. No bras. No period. Having your shirt off in public or around the house and never thinking twice. Farts could be hilarious. Being able to rip on your friends with no hard feelings, because they will throw everything back at you and never care what was said. No nail polish. No hair clips. No dresses. To be taller than your loved one. To wear loose clothing every day. To never worry if she will ask you to the dance.

But then worrying if she likes you at all. If you should even bother asking her to the dance. Worrying about how deep your voice will get. If you’ll have a beard. Not being tall enough. Feeling awkward because of your towering stature. Fussing over the perfect cologne and matching deodorant. The right suit. The right words. The right time.

What about their hobbies? What makes Halo so different for guys? Why is it amazing when a girl gets a Killing-Spree? Or that a girl can even hold a controller right? Why do they think “gross” surgery pictures would only interest other boys? And hunting and mechanics? Paintball and Funnyjunk. I don’t know what I’m missing. What key factor changes a flower to being called beautiful, to being dismissed as too girly? Is it beauty itself that makes things unsatisfying or untouchable? But I’ve heard “beautiful” from the lips of a man before.

So what is it I’m missing? What is it to be a boy?